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Jolly Roger

Three Things challenge

The words are Jolly Roger, guitar, and iceberg

Roger was always ever so jolly

His life was filled with fun and folly

His guitar was romantic

He played on the Titanic

Then an iceberg sank the ship, oh my golly.

Posted in prompts

History According to Bob

Three Things Challenge

The words are history, witch, Pacific Ocean

“There’s a witch that lives in that creepy old house over there”, said Bob.

“Sure there is”, scoffed Fred.

“I promise. Scout’s honor”.

“All right, then where did she come from?”, asked Fred.

“Well, she was born in Dublin, England and in 1888 got on board the Titanic, along with Jack the Ripper, and they crossed the Pacific Ocean. When the Titanic got hit by a meteor, the same one that wiped out the dinosaurs, they survived and swam all the way to Plymouth Rock, where they met Pocahontas. Pocahontas killed Jack the Ripper, which is why nobody knows who he really is, and then she put a voodoo spell on her. She was 14 at the time and her name was Marie Antoinette. She’s 300 years old, and now she lives here, in THAT HOUSE!”

“Oh my God!”, exclaimed Fred, “Let’s get out of here”.

As they ran down the street some papers flew out of Bob’s books. One of them was his recent history test with a big fat F on it.

Posted in prompts

Welcome to Ooky Booky

Three Things Challenge

The words are eggplant, jellyfish, space

I’d always wanted to go into space, ever since I was a kid. And now, here I was. We’d been invited, via late 21st century Space technology – that I won’t explain here because you probably wouldn’t understand it – to travel to a planet called Ooky Booky. On earth we called it AlphaBetaGamma47658. By the same token, they called out planet Whatabunchofdumbassmorons, instead of Earth.

When we landed, we were greeted by the president of their free world. His name was Ronald McDonald Dump, and he looked like a giant Eggplant. Purple face, purple hair. With him was his wife, Melancholy.

“Welcome to our, um, er, planet”‘ he said.

“Thanks, but are we really welcome here”?

“Maybe you are, maybe you aren’t. We’ll just have to wait and see what happens”, he said.

As we conversed – me coherently, him all wish-washy – I noticed a group of what looked like Jellyfish being packed into a big vehicle.

“Who are they”?, I asked.

“They’re the jellyfish people. We’re sending them back to Jellico”.

“Why”, I asked.

“Because they’re not purple and they talk funny. Next week we’ll be burning all of the books, because smart people write them and I don’t understand what they’re saying”.

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Capri Sunset Can Be Deadly

This is my contribution to Three Things Challenge for 6/12

The words are snowflake, heater, fingernail

It was the coldest day in December as I walked the streets of downtown on my way to Ruby’s. Kids were having snowball fights and cars were sliding off the road. I saw a cop out of the corner of my eye, but didn’t get nervous. I needed to stay calm.

As I approached Ruby’s Nail Salon and Beauty Emporium, a snowflake fell on my hand as I pulled out my heater. No turning back now. I opened the door and fired a shot. Ruby had been working on the left index fingernail of the Mayor’s wife, but now lay slumped on the floor, soon to become a chalk outline.

“Why did you do it?”, asked the Mayor’s wife, after everyone had stopped screaming.

I shoved the gun back into my pocket and showed her my hands. “I asked for Hot Pink, and the bitch painted my nails Capri Sunset”.

Posted in prompts

It’s All About the Timing

One time I was watching The Mod Squad and a Lipton’s Iced Tea commercial came on. “I wonder if it’s named after Peggy Lipton, who plays Julie on the show”, I said as I turned to my dad.

“No”, he informed me, it’s named after Sir Thomas Lipton of Glasgow, the founder of the company”.

“Okay Mr. know-it-all, who plays Captain Kirk on Star Trek?”, I asked.

“William Shatner”, he responded.

“Wow, you know a lot”.

“Some”, he said as he went back to reading his paper.

“One day”, I exclaimed, “I’m going to invent something and have commercials on tv, too”!

My dad peered over his paper. “Like what”?

“Oh I don’t know. Probably a really cool game, or something. But what should I call it?”, I pondered.

“You like dragons, so why not a game about dragons”.

“Yeah”, I said, “and you like your dungeon with all of those torture devices and stuff, so I think I’ll call it…

“Dragons and Dungeons?”, he suggested.

“No pop, it was really your idea, so I’ll put your thing first. Dungeons and Dragons”!

Unfortunately, Gary Gygax and Dave Arneson beat me to it.

My response to Three Things Challenge by The Haunted Wordsmith

Captain Kirk, iced tea, Dungeons and Dragons