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The simplest of things bug me. Just peeves that don’t really matter to anyone but me. Here are a few:

People who shuffle their feet when they walk. If it’s a medical condition, fine, I can deal. If they’re just lazy asses I scream inside.

I seen. You hear it on ESPN all the time. I seent is a gazillion time worse. I saw/I have seen

Mischievous. I hear mis-Chee-vee-us all the time. Drives me nuts. There is no I or E after the V, so it can’t be 4 syllables. It’s Mischa-vus.

When people pronounce the T in often. Sure, a ton of people do it, and it’s become acceptable. It just sounds wrong and makes my skin crawl.

Coupon. I say cue-pon. I’ve finally learned to live with coo-pon. But cue-pin drives me batty. I live in the south, so I near it a lot.

Let’s go to the store. I got a cue-pin for some mayonnaise

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Back when I was in my twenties, Nightmare was one of the words I used when I went through one of my many word phases. You know, when for some odd reason you latch on to a word and use it ad nauseum. It was usually preceded by an expletive.

I finally came out to my parents as gay in the Summer of ’79. Like they didn’t already know from the time I was 2. It wasn’t really my decision. I had left a flyer that was an ad for an upcoming drag show on the dashboard of my car. My mom saw it. So, I had to provide an explanation. It was a nightmare.

AIDS was just coming to the forefront and there was all that inchoate information and hysteria about it. My mom cried for a few days. Then, there were the where did I go wrong questions. Then after about a week it was well, let’s just not talk about it. My stepfather, Carl, suggested that I move to San Francisco. My sister was basically like, “Well, duhhhhhhh”!

So, after suspicions were finally confirmed, and everyone knew for sure – with the exception of my grandparents (because according to my mom it would just kill them) and a few other relatives – I began living a little bit more out of the closet.

That’s when the nightmare phase began.

How was work?
oh my god girlfriend it was a f*#king nightmare!

How was traffic?
oh my god girlfriend it was a f*#king nightmare!

How was your date?
oh my god girlfriend it was a f*#king nightmare!

My nightmare phase pretty much coincided with my girlfriend phase

After a while I stopped using nightmare in every other sentence (the girlfriend phase lasted for another 7 or 8 years, and ocassionally pops up in stressful, or overly-dramatic situations).

Girlfriend, that car came out of NOWHERE!